Facing Judgement as a Dog Owner in a Judgmental World
Written by Lauren Tsao, MS, CDBC, CPDT-KA
Often when dog owners come in for training, they immediately expect us dog trainers and dog behavior consultants to judge them.
They will say things like:
"My dog sleeps on the bed. I know he isn't 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 to, but..."
"Sometimes I give my dog a treat just to give them a treat. I don't make them do anything to earn it. I know I am not 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 to, but..."
It makes me sad every time I hear these things because there are no perfect universal guidelines set out for having a well-behaved dog. What a "𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭-𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘨" looks like to each individual is pretty subjective. When people say these things it often means the person has been previously judged for how they interact with their dog. Anyone who has had multiple dogs in their lifetime knows that dogs are individual beings and how we interact with our dogs can vary from dog to dog because of this.
For example:
Not all dogs are going to enjoy playing fetch.
Not all dogs are going to enjoy swimming.
Not all dogs are going to enjoy sleeping on the bed.
Not all dogs are going to enjoy going on long walks.
Your relationship with your dog is between you and your dog - not people on social media or family members visiting at Thanksgiving. Understanding that your relationship with your dog is yours and yours alone, is important to feeling successful as a dog owner. Don’t worry about what others allow or don’t allow their dogs to do. Your relationship with your dog is yours. It’s just as unique and individual as any human relationship. It must be treated as such. The only approval that is worth seeking in a relationship is the approval between the parties in the relationship - yours and your dog’s. If you and your dog both enjoy the activity, it is safe and humane, and you aren't interfering with others, there's little reason to concern yourself with what other people think.
This can be easier said than done when people can feel any opinion they have is valid and worth your time, but you don’t owe them a listening ear. They are entitled to their opinion, not you entertaining said-opinion. You are allowed to say, “Thank you, but no thank you”, and move on with your day. There isn’t a helpful golden nugget hidden in every piece of criticism you receive, so don’t waste time searching for it. Sometimes the criticism isn’t helpful for your situation and only you know your entire situation and relationship with your dog. So, consider if the criticism rings true to you and if it doesn’t, move on.
It is best to seek certified professional advice, not advice on social media or from friends, on your situation if you feel your relationship with your dog could be better. These relationships are just as tricky as human ones - plus your dog speaks an entirely different language than you too! Sometimes it is just a matter of having a professional translate for you and help you learn the language of your dog. Sometimes your dog may need help through professional dog training or dog behavior modification services to make sure the behaviors they are engaging in are safe and typical.
If you aren't sure if an activity or interaction is safe, humane, or something your dog is actually okay with, ask your certified professional dog trainer, your certified dog behavior consultant, or your vet for help clarifying. Don’t have a certified dog trainer or dog behavior consultant? Contact us and we can help!
